bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
