I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
