I just threw up on my dentist
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
