so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
