Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
