I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am one with the molecules
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
