I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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