Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
