i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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