atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
