girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
