i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
