somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
