I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
