that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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