what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
