Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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