I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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