The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
