Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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