i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
