I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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