WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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