Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
