I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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