LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
