Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
