Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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