I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
