never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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