did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
