am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
