can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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