Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to calm my uterus...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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