Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
