considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
