it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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