new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
