you guys were way drunker than both of me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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