My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
