Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jerry, you need to find god
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
