omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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