How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
