Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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