If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
