he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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