Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
