Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
