I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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