It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
