just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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