Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
