I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
