I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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