worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
