i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
