we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
