i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
