The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
