I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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