My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm jealous of your bromance
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
