he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
