Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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