90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
