I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
