he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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