I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
