You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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