so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
