I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
